Lisa Eggleston Photography

The Netherlands Part II – Expectations

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travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

(You can find part I here – The Netherlands Part I – Prologue)

On April 30 of this year, my husband and I anxiously lugged our clothes, toiletries, and my several cameras onto an airplane that would bring me back to the country I’ve been missing for the past 7 years. It was like a dream. In my mind I knew I should be SO EXCITED, and I think I was, but outwardly I was more just doing one step and then the other. In my defense, there were a lot of steps, so I had to focus to make sure I wasn’t missing any. As much as vacations can be fun and relaxing, they’re also so stressful, right?

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

But, the travel part wasn’t too bad. At first. In total, our travel time was 16 hours (the flight as well as walking, cars, and train travel). My poor husband was quite cramped on the plane so it was harder for him. Luckily, I’m a pretty small lady, so although I wouldn’t say planes are comfortable, it just isn’t as tight for me. I can curl up into a ball like an armadillo and zonk out better than most.

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

The part where things got a little dicey, was when we landed. To me, this is the scariest part of traveling overseas. Once you land, you’re on your own. Hopefully, you’ve made preparations to get to your new home and you can just be whisked away to your safe place to plan for the next excursion. If you’ve missed anything though, it’s easy to feel totally lost. I remember texting my dad back and forth when him and my mom were in Italy last summer in the wee hours of the morning, trying to figure out where in Italy he was so I could help him find his apartment. What do you even do? We couldn’t call and he struggled to describe where he was and THERE ARE CHURCHES EVERYWHERE so don’t tell me you’re next to a church! It wasn’t that he didn’t prepare either. You just get mixed up sometimes. I get lost on the way to the grocery store sometimes still!

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

So, we landed, and I think I made the best decision I could have in our situation. I said we should stop for coffee. I’m so used to wanting to go-go-go so we get to our destination. No rest until we can REALLY rest. But, we’d just been on a long overnight flight, and we weren’t very awake or aware, there were so many people hustling and bustling to get where they needed to go, and everyone seemed to know what to do except for us. I could feel our stress levels beginning to rise. But, we were there. No exactly where we wanted to be yet, but we had made it to the Netherlands. There wasn’t a reason to be in a rush, so we took a little break, ordered our first cups of espresso, and just let it sink in for a minute while we anticipated the next leg of the journey.amsterdam, netherlands, travel

amsterdam, netherlands, travel

amsterdam, netherlands, travel

It wasn’t the smoothest transition. My husband thought I knew what to do, because I had been there before. I thought he knew what to do because he just always does. I had done some research on how to use the trams and actually made a plan of exactly which one we needed to take and to which stop. But the tricky stuff is the details. Where do you get a ticket? Where is the stop? Where am I right now? So, for a little bit, we felt that desperate fear of being totally lost. The ticket machine didn’t work, it was freezing outside, and we couldn’t read any signs. My heart was starting to sink. I felt scared and alone like I did 7 years ago and I was in Amsterdam by myself. But, I got through it and was stronger than when I started back then, and I knew I could do that again. We eventually found a working machine and managed to learn what we didn’t know, and then we hopped on a tram, somewhat confident it would take us where we needed to go. And you know what? It did.

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

Now, I’m not saying that we’re expert travelers now, or that we’ll never get scared again or every feel lost out there in the big world, but I think we’ll be stronger next time. One of the major lessons I learned for traveling with my husband, to really anywhere, is that we don’t naturally travel well together. We don’t really know what to expect from each other, I think. I assume he will take charge, because he usually does. But in this case, he assumed I would take charge, because I had experience. But neither of us knew what the other expected. We talked about it a bit after, and realized that we not only had difference expectations, but we also have different perspectives on what is and isn’t worth stressing about.

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

For me, I’m more of a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I’ve worked with a couple photographers in the industry who always have a very specific plan of action for a wedding day, or even a portrait session. But I’ve seen them get overwhelmed too when things don’t play out in that exact order. I’m not saying that’s a bad way to go about your business. It just doesn’t work for me. I like to go in, aware of the situation, but I know things are going to change at the last minute, or someone will make a goof and we’ll have to adjust. It doesn’t bother me, because I expect to have to roll with it, and I like it that way. In addition to being more flexible, I think my eyes are more open to what’s going on around me because I’m not so focussed on the next step of the process. So, I guess I’m the same way in other aspects of my life, in this case, traveling. Probably not the best idea going in. I don’t skip planning how we get somewhere, but I just don’t worry about it too much.

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

My husband needs to know what’s going on. Understandably. I would venture to say he’s a bit more responsible than I am (although I still have to make his doctor appointments for him). So, he needs lists and plans and details. All good things, but when these things aren’t available to him, he can get tense and confused. But, he’s pretty much perfect, right? So I have very little experience dealing with him being at his whit’s end.

Both of us would have eventually gotten to our destination had we been traveling alone. Maybe with more stress. Maybe with less. We just do it differently. But, I think we can make it easier, and work together to find our roles as travel partners. I bet I can help him find some ease when we are a little lost, and I bet he can help me learn how to read signs better and pick out the people who look like they can help. And even if we don’t, and we still get stressed from time to time on a trip because neither of us are on the same page and we don’t know what’s going on, we’ll still be doing it together, and I’d rather have that than anything alone.

travel, amsterdam, netherlands, photography

I guess this post was more about marriage than travel! Stay tuned for the next part where I talk about acceptance, when things just aren’t what you think they should be.

-Lisa

The Netherlands Part I – Prologue

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netherlands, amsterdam, groningen, europe, ciee, study abroad, travel, adventure

On June 4, 2011, I landed in The Netherlands where I would be living for 7 weeks. On April 30th of this year, 2018, I returned with my husband. It seemed like the day I would find my way back there would never come, but I’m so happy it finally did.

Man, starting this post was so much harder than I had anticipated. My time in the Netherlands is so important to me, and I just know I can’t relay that accurately. Everything changed for me. My whole perspective on the world as a whole, what is “normal”, and the idea of good and bad. Having grown up in a small town my whole life, jumping into another country with people that lived such different lives than me really opened my eyes. Even the sun rose earlier than I’d ever experienced!

I was there to study city planning, or that’s what it said on paper, but really I was there to experience something new and have the chance to explore another life (and take so many pictures). I learned so much about what makes the Netherlands tick, and it’s hard not to be jealous and harsh on my own country for the decisions we make as a people, government, and even decisions like where we decided to build our streets. I think that might be part of return culture shock. I remember coming back from the Netherlands the first time and feeling this deep frustration over everything the US does. The Dutch do it better. And that’s true about some (a lot) of things, but it’s like comparing yourself to another, totally different person. Take finances for example. Everyone’s budget is different and it can be easy to judge your friend for spending so much on groceries. Man, how can you decide that’s where your money goes? But that friend is a great cook and finds pleasure in cooking and eating seafood. But me, I don’t care that much and just buy cheap bread and cereal, but I spend all my money on video games because that’s what makes me happy. Does that make sense? We all have priorities, and some things work for one person, but not the other. I could buy all that seafood, but man I wouldn’t know where to start preparing it. It’d be a waste.
(This is just an example. I like food and video games)

The time I spent in the Netherlands all those years ago changed my perspective on the world. I always felt like we were right. The US was the one country that everyone knows and gets, and all the others knew they were making weird choices, but decided to go with it. It was vanilla. The default setting. But man, that’s so wrong. We’re just as weird as everyone else. But it’s so easy to think that. As a wife, I have to constantly remind myself that what I think is right and wrong won’t automatically translate to my husband. Even silly things, like the volume of the TV. I get this jittery fear in my guts if it’s too loud because it just feels wrong. I grew up in a very quiet family, but my husband grew up in the opposite, so when it comes to noise, we have to be kind of flexible and understanding of each other. Thankfully, my husband is extremely patient and accommodating to my needs so in general, defers to me (that’s a good thing, right?). But I still can’t help but wonder why we do the things we do like this, and what makes me so uncomfortable in these situations? I think it’s just my culture. My Eggleston ways.

I think the biggest lesson I learned from my time in the Netherlands was to be open and forgiving of others. We are all different and we all have our reasons for why we are like this and why we do what we do. I never realized it until then, but I used to be very judge-y. I still am in ways, but I try to just let people be people. It’s definitely a struggle as to get older. Man, kids and their twitters. I grew up with computers and always felt on top of technology, but after a certain point, I lost track and stopped caring (partially because I’m too cool for that, right?), and man you can lose track really fast! It makes me realize how generations really are so different and it’s soooo hard not to nitpick and complain about those. damn. kids. I think I have more respect now for the elderly who don’t complain about kids and computers. I hope to be like that. To be like the grandma who dances on camera because their grandkid said it would be fun. I hope that even if I don’t understand everything, I embrace it because I’m open and forgiving. I’d rather enjoy where we are together than be a sourpuss and remember where we were. I hope.

So, I don’t understand you. But that’s okay. All I can hope is that you’re doing the best you can for you and the ones you love, and I hope you’re open to me and why I’m weird, and forgiving of me when I hurt you with my weird ways.

There was plenty more to learn during my time. I found more confidence in myself as an individual. It was like starting fresh. No one knew me, so it was up to them to figure out what I was all about without preconceived ideas. That taught me a little bit about myself and my choices. Many of my classmates saw me as a reliable, trustworthy, older sibling and it wasn’t uncommon for me to hear their fears. It was good for me to hear, because I had a lot of my own fears, so now I knew I wasn’t alone, and they knew that too. Even in college I never really socialized with others much. After a particularly bad experience with a roommate, I spent the rest of my college career alone. I moved into a single room, and then eventually an apartment on my own where I didn’t have talk to anyone from school. So, this was kind of my one true experience of living with others. Although we all had our own rooms, we still lived in the same building and convened in the kitchen or on the patio a lot. We all relied on each other a lot. It helped me find who I was among others.

While preparing this post, I looked through my old photographs from my time overseas, and although I can’t remember the all the details, I can feel every day. I felt so unsure and lost, but just kept going. Some days were full of fear and anxiety and others were exhilarating.

 

You might recognize a couple pictures that I posted here about the anxiety and excitement of traveling abroad to Italy.

I would call this the prologue I think. What I really want to share with you is the trip we took a few weeks ago, but it was very important to provide some background on what I experienced the first time. Look forward to part II where I catch you up on our visit this year.

-Lisa

Saklad Homecoming – March 2017

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Hello everyone! I hope you’re with your family, relaxing and enjoying this sunny day. I have a little story to tell you today.

The story is kind of unfair. In just a few moments, you will hear the beginning, and soon after, be at the end. I will show you images along with some descriptions of the long and lonely journey this family has experienced in the past year. I’m not a great writer, so I won’t be able to appropriately paint you an emotional picture that can fully express their story. It’s like when the longest day of your life is finally over, and you just sum it up by saying, “yeah, I was in there for an hour and it was so boring”. One sentence. Two seconds. But this family felt longing and fear every single day.

Back in the spring of last year, Vivian asked me to capture some memories of Tyler’s last day at home before he was to be deployed overseas for a year or more. They tied a yellow ribbon around the big tree in the front yard, and spent some time with their kids and family.

It wasn’t so much a sad occasion as it was a sort of nervous celebration. It was exciting for everyone to be together, and to be honoring their father, son, brother, and love. Change was coming, but in this moment, they were all here, preparing their hearts.

I wasn’t there for the send-off, but I can only imagine the pain in both Vivian and Tyler’s hearts. While in college, I experienced heartbreak and the longing for my mate that was hundreds of miles away. But even then, he wasn’t in danger, wasn’t thousands of miles away, and didn’t have children waiting and probably confused.

And now, here’s the part I just sum up all easy like.

They spent a year apart. A whole, long year. Their son grew, and learned to walk. Vivian and Tyler both grew and changed as people. While they were able to talk to each other here and there, there’s only so much grow you can do together when you are separated by this barrier of distance.

There are books, movies, blogs, articles, and support groups all dedicated to the experience of getting through the deployment of a spouse. But honestly, I don’t think you can really be prepared for it. Or, for what comes after.

Then, the day came where Tyler would return.

I don’t think I really understood the gravity of the day until we were at the airbase.

The rain fell as we all waited in the grass. Vivian expressed that the past week had felt like the longest period of time throughout the whole deployment. I think the hour or two we waited was probably the same.

We saw the plane land, and then they would board a bus to get to the lot we were at.

Just 15 more minutes, they said.

Waiting, waiting.

There was a familiar feeling of nervous celebration. Life was going to change again. It wasn’t going to go “back to normal”. What changes were to come? What would they feel in that first second? Would Rustin remember his daddy? Butterflies were running rampant.

And then the buses came and civilians and soldiers flooded into the street.

We didn’t know which bus he was on, so we had to just press through the crowd and scan each uniform to pick him out. The air was electric. There were tears in my eyes and I don’t know how they got there. It was like being in a vivid and surreal dream. We maybe have been floating or swimming, and that didn’t surprise us.

And then, their eyes met for the first time.

I think only the most selfless person, aka a mother, can do what Vivian did in that moment. She told her son to go to his daddy.

Rustin stood still for a moment. The world waiting. Only he knows what was in his mind. And then, he ran to his daddy, and never let go.

As a photographer, one of the things I have struggled with most is feeling like I belong there. I worry about getting in the way. I didn’t feel this fear on that day. Not that I shoved anyone out of my way. But this moment was huge, and I was going to capture it with every ounce of effort I had in my bones. Nothing was going to stop me, and nothing did.

There’s nothing quite like this kind of reunion. I get to see a lot of love in my work, but this sort of buzzing desperation to be with your lover can only be the result of hardship.

This is my retelling of their story. I hope I did some justice to the experience they had.