I can hear my husband tap-tap-tap-tap-tap on his keyboard. I was noticing how much of my work is more click-click…click. His work noises sound more worky. But, I bet his work feels more worky than mine too. He enjoys his job, for sure. He’s built to teach and to learn. I, on the other hand, am built to look at things and daydream. Strangely enough, I’m finding I need to practice at looking and dreaming. Your dreams will just spiral and turn into muck unless you work at harnessing them. Boy, it’s tough. I mean it! These past few weeks I’ve been struggling with trying to dream as someone else, and it just doesn’t work. I think I’ll wrangle my own sleep first, and then see where it takes me.
As a creative person, an artist, I create. Images are my work. When I am doing a job, what I begin to see is what I try to shape into something beautiful. It’s something that takes a lot of time and practice to do. I can just snap a picture any ole day, but to create something I am proud of is a huge task, especially when I get all stopped up on comparing myself to others. But, I am not them, and we are not the same. I recently got a bit frantic while checking out some artists I admire and panicked that I wasn’t as good as them, or that they had such a unique style that I wanted to be mine. But, that’s a very simplistic perspective. As with everything in life, we on are different journeys. I’m just going to keep on going, with some help from others, but never trying to morph into them.
So, despite the trouble with confidence and that whole staying-true-to-your-whatever, my job is really a wonderful bundle of love.
In February of this year, I met with two strangers. We talked a bit before meeting, but we knew very little about each other, and didn’t have any mutual acquaintances. I was actually so stoked about this. Nearly 100% of my jobs come from word of mouth; friends, friends of friends, friends of clients of colleagues. But, Bethany and Shane had none of this influence. They just found me. For one, that’s awesome. That tells me that people can find me out there in the vast desert of the internet. But also that they saw something they trusted. I hope I portray kindness and honesty in my work and in how I express who I am.
We met. I was nervous. They were nervous (I assume – they acted cool though). But so quickly, we were talking about where we came from, our pets, and giggling over what I can only imagine was my dorky sense of humor (thanks Dad).
How do I put this? I am grateful that Bethany and Shane asked me to photograph their wedding day. Not just because it was a job. I think I would have felt like I was missing out on a great experience. These two were so warm and friendly that night that we first met. I remember telling them how much I liked them, and how easy they were to talk to. How could I not want to spend more time with them and dive into this deep emotional day with them?
It was clear, all day long, how happy Bethany and Shane were. Shane’s laugh! And Bethany’s smile. They were electric. You couldn’t get them away from each other if you tried. But why would you? Sometimes weddings can be hard. Hot, and tiring, and everyone is asking you questions. But, even in the heat, they embraced each other without prompting, and couldn’t stop smiling. What gems!
As I’ve gone through these images the past few weeks, I feel like I know their friends and family. Sometimes I wish we could do weddings twice. The same day with the same people. I learned so much about this family and it’s like I continue to get to know them as I edit the album. You see the same people multiple times, interacting with others and their expressions say so much!
I’m going to venture into territory I don’t have enough experience to enter into, but I’m going to anyway.
I look at my couples the way I imagine parents look at their children. Each one of them are special. But, yeah yeah, parents always say that. But it’s true! From the outside, its just another kid. She likes cookies and goes to school and somehow has all that energy. But spend some time with her and you’ll see that she is an amazing individual. She has new, crazy and fantastic ideas. And she isn’t just slapping stickers in a book. She’s laying them out in an intricate pattern that says something about how sensitive she truly is. My couples are all special in this way. Each of them have their own, elaborate depth. I hope that I’ve shown this in these images. They deserve to have their unique story told.